What is it about that fated isle of Lemnos? Since the time of Hephaestus’ first haphazard encounter with the land, all fortuitous possibilities have abandoned fair Lemnos. Yet, one can hardly blame Hephaestus! After all, it was not so much his actual contact with the island that did such harm, but rather the fact that he met the island at the wrong time of his life – specifically, immediately after having been thrown down from Olympus (Harris, 156). Who knows, perhaps if Hephaestus had encountered Lemnos when his body was not falling at an incredible rate, it could be known for its beautiful artistry and craftwork instead of its citizens run-ins with unfortunate occurrences.

Yes indeed, for we know that it was not only the Argonauts who had a run-in with Lemnos, but also the brave Greeks during the Trojan War. Here we see a peculiar theme which will play a fair part in the story this article intends to tell: That of the anything-but-fair odor. For, on their way to fight the war the Greeks had left one companion behind, Philoctetes, because he had taken a snake bite that caused him a great amount of pain, and painfully “rocked” the olfactory of his fellow voyagers. Unable to withstand this rank odor, they put Philoctetes off and continued their voyage on towards Troy. However, in their rush to get away from the smell, they forgot that they might have some use for the mighty bow of Heracles, which Philoctetes had come to own, and thus had to go back and fetch it (Harris, 333). Untold headaches and time could have been saved if only those wise and noble Greeks had thought of nose plugs.

However, “what ifs” are for another story, on another day, in a more fictitious section of this newspaper. For now we should focus on how ill-fated Lemnos came to play its small but cantankerous role in the journey of the greatest heroes ever assembled, the Argonauts.

Indeed, events had been set into motion long before Jason and his stalwart crew arrived. The women of Lemnos had been negligent in their worship of Aphrodite, and thus to get her revenge the Goddess of love denied the women just that, through the oldest anti-aphrodisiac known to man: pure, unadulterated, body odor. The women of Lemnos suddenly began to smell like the backside of a hog a few hours after feeding time, and obviously, this offended their men-folk. The men, growing despondent in their lack of “companionship” took off for Thrace to bring back some women of a less noisome persuasion. Of course, soon added to the growing smell of the island, was the smell of blood running through the streets as the vengeful women of Lemnos took out their revenge for the desertion of their men. The lone man saved was the King, Thoas, saved by his daughter Hypsipyle, who hid him in a chest.

Hypsipyle came to be queen of the now strictly “sugar and spice and everything nice” island population, and was faced with her first big challenge as ruler: Namely, there were no men left to repopulate the island. Here, perhaps, is the only case of “luck” in the history of Lemnos: A ship was spotted at sea..that’s right, our heroes the Argonauts happened to be looking for a pit stop on their quest for the ever-elusive golden fleece.

If you are one who believes the likes of Apollodorus, then here is the happy conclusion to our story. Jason and Argonauts land, and being quite smelly and brimy themselves, and bereft of women kind with which to…”repopulate”, they have no problem taking in the Lemnian women. They each find a friend and partner up, and just like the cheerleader and the football captain, Hypsipyle and Jason instantly hit it off. Before long the island is repopulated, and with both parties mutually satisfied the Argonauts headed off to accidentally kill some amongst the Doliones (Apollodorus, 1.9.17-18).

Yet, beneath the surface all is not well. Hypsipyle bore Jason two children, in addition to becoming his wife, and such ties are not easily forgotten, nor breaking them easily forgiven. In fact, in a letter obtained through the Freedom of Mythological Information Act (FMIA), we find Hypsipyle far from content with her short tryst with Jason (Ovid, 6.55). Indeed, though it seemed the bad luck of the Lemnians had finally lifted when the Argonauts came to shore, it simply wasn’t meant to be for Hypsipyle. Not at all uncharacteristic of the Jason we all know and hate, it seems he had promised to come back to his wife once the Fleece had been captured. Yet, he didn’t even have the decency to send a letter, or a messenger. Instead, his Lemnian wife was left to hear the news that her husband had taken up with a “barbarian enchantress” named Medea from the lips of passer-bys familiar with the many stories behind Jason’s famed capturing of the fleece.

Indeed, perhaps holding out whatever vain hopes she can muster, Hypsipyle seems to blame Medea more than Jason for the breakup. She desperately points out that Medea has stolen all the glory from the whole slew of Argonauts. In addition, she makes sure to note that Jason’s parents are anything but happy with his new choice. She goes right down the list, and this reporter must agree, there aren’t many areas where Hypsipyle is trailing Medea, other than ease of spelling their names. Hypsipyle and Jason married in chaste unity, while Medea “basely associated with the husband of another.” Hypsipyle saved her father from destruction while Medea was..well..less than gracious toward her own. Medea betrayed her native land, while Hypsipyle stayed and led her land (Ovid, 6.105). And yet, in the end, the nice girl finishes last.

Things would get worse for fair Hypsipyle before they got better. Some time shortly after that agonizing letter was written she was kidnapped by pirates and sold to Lykourgos of Nemea (Van Horn). Here she was given the special task of making sure Lykourgos son, Opheltes never touched the ground until he had learned to walk. Here again, passing heroes brought tragedy to her life. The Seven Heroes, on their way to wage war against Thebes, happened to stop off in Nemea. Being in need of a drink, they asked none other than Hypsipyle to get them some water. Being all a flutter in the presence of heroes once again, she went to get the water, placing young Opheltes down in a bed of wild celery, and he was promptly bit by a snake and killed.

Being upset at the death of the child, the heroes did what heroes did best: they instituted some games in his honor. The winner of the main race was to get a crown of scrumptious Wild Celery to place upon their head in memory of Opheltes. As an added bargain, and just because the king was royally hacked off, the winner of the first games was to have the opportunity to slay Hypsipyle on the altar of Zeus. Reminiscent of the modern myth Robin Hood, minus the tights, a pair of masked strangers with incredible skill won the race. When the time came to slay Hypsipyle, they revealed themselves to be Euneos and Thoas, the twin sons of Jason she had birthed. This led, of course, to rescue, reconciliation and a return to Lemnos, land of stink.

So, in the end things didn’t turn out too terrible for Hypsipyle. She returned to her native land, had a great relationship with her twin sons, and her story was remembered on Lemnos through an intricate ritual. Once a year, the Lemnians extinguish their fires for 9 days, and the women eat massive amounts of garlic and separate themselves from the men. After that ninth day, a new fire was brought from Delos, and from this flame all the fires were re-lit, and the men came together with their women once more in a big festival (Harris, 40). What’s more, she came to be played by Natasha Henstridge in the 2000 movie retelling of Jason and The Argonauts, and anyone who can come through all the tragedy Hypsipyle did and end up being portrayed by Natasha Henstridge can’t be doing all that bad.

Thus ends the tale of Hypsipyle and Lemnos role in the Argonauts voyage. It seems like a mere detour on the road at first, considering Jason’s later “female problems”, but the story of that encounter goes much deeper upon further inspection. What have we learned? Always honor Aphrodite, or you’ll end up smelling ridiculously bad and killing your husbands and fathers. Never get too attached to a hero, they’re all players who will leave you for the first barbarian witch with some magic potions. And, finally beds of celery count as “ground”, so don’t go thinking you’ll get off on a technicality.

Works Cited

Apollodorus. Appolodorus, The Library. Trans. by Sir James George Frazier. Cambride, MA: Harvard University Press, 1921. Accessed via The Perseus Digital Library: <http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgibin/ptext?lookup=Apollod%2e+1%2e9%2e17>.
Harris, Stephen and Gloria Plazner. Mythology: Images & Insights. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing, 2001.
Naso, P. Ovidius. The Epistles of Ovid. Trans. by J. Nunn. London: Great-Queen-Street. 1813. Accessed via The Perseus Digital Library: <http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/cgi-bin/ptext?lookup=Ov.+Ep.+6.105>
Van Horn, Susannah L. Ancient Nemea Home Page. University of California Berkeley. <http://ist-socrates.berkeley.edu/~clscs275/nemeamyth2hyps.htm>