Lucian's "Dialogues of the Dead" are an amusing piece of work. He seems to take pleasure in entertaining the reader, generally at the expense of his characters. If it were possible, I would include copies of all his Dialogues here. Since it isn't, I did find this one. It includes a short synopsis about Lucian, the Dialogue in Greek with a translation. Personally, I don't feel the translation is quite as satirical as the one by Casson, but it gets the point across.

The first Dialogue I would like to look at is between Diogenes and Pollux (1). Pollux was an immortal son of Leda. His twin Castor, however, was not immortal. When Castor died they shared the immortality of Pollux by spending alternating days in the underworld and earth. Pollux is about to return to earth, and Diogenes has some messages for him to deliver.
  • Menippus the Cynic - stop poking fun on earth and come join him in Hades. He can laugh all he wants here in the underworld, especially at the weak.
  • Philosophers - stop with the senseless questions
  • Millionaires - quit worrying about your money, because it doesn't do you any good once you're dead. You'll only need the penny for the ferry.
  • Athletes and "dandies" - your looks and muscles won't do you any good when you're dead.
  • Poor - stop complaining about your position. Once you reach Hades, there will no longer be classes-everyone is the same.
    • Pollux promises to deliver all the messages, except one to the Spartans. Diogenes is sending a message to everyone still alive that the things they place importance on mean absolutely nothing once you're gone. It is an important lesson that everyone could take something from.

    Next is a dialogue between Hermes and Charon (4). This is actually a rather short dialogue. Hermes and Charon are discussing how much money Charon owes Hermes for repairs to the boat and an anchor. There is a little quibbling over whether some of the amounts are inflated. The heart of this dialogue, though, can be seen in Hermes speech: Charon actually goes on to tell Hermes that money is "what they're all mad about." Seems like this holds true for today. Perhaps it where that old saying derived from (money is the root of all evil). This piece is actually quite amusing, as they seem to be depressed over the lack and quality of their customers. Not only are they lacking in shades, but the shades they are getting are cowards. They are going to Hades not because they died courageous deaths in war, but because of greed. Hmm, it just might make a good soap opera.

    Finally, the third Dialogue that most intrigued me is between Charon, Hermes and the Shades (10). In this conversation Charon is telling everyone they must leave everything behind, or the boat will sink. He first tells them to strip down nude. (Interesting fact: Damasias is already nude since Greek athletes often worked out in the nude.) He uses this opportunity to ridicule the individuals:

    Person Item(s) Removed
    Charmoleos the Beauty Beauty, Lips, Hair, Rosy Cheeks
    Lampichus the Dictator Delusions and Arrogance
    Damasias the Athlete Trophies and Victory Speeches
    Crato the Wealthy Aristocrat Money, Luxury, Genealogy, Fame
    Strato the War Hero Armor and Monument
    Philosopher Falsehood and Delusions

    Again, the premise that everyone is equal in death is prominent. Hermes tells Strato to leave his weapons because they don't use them in Hades. He tells Lampichus, "If they go in the boat with you, they'll overload it." (199)

    On the other hand, when the Philosopher tells Menippus (who has been here the whole time, prodding Hermes on) to remove his "independence, frank speaking, cheery resignation, high- mindedness, and mockery" (Casson 201) Hermes steps up. He tells Menippus to keep those attributes. In fact, he says they are "light, easy to carry, and they'll be useful during the voyage." (202)

    This is a picture of Cerberus. He is the three-headed dog that rules the underworld. Imagine facing him before your judgement! He is not exactly the friendly little dog next door. No one had trouble getting into Hades, but Cerebrus made it very difficult to escape. There are some stories about those who managed to get out. They are certainly the rare cases, though.